


Cultural Differences

by Donteatthefootcream



Series: Pride Month 2020 [24]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Romance, Crack Treated Seriously, Cultural Differences, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Made Up Planets, Pre-Relationship, Shran is whipped but likes to act as if he isn't, cliches, miscommunication lol, mountain climbing, none of this should be taken seriously, once again this is crack, plot holes, the both of them are incredibly dumb, we stan equality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24835756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donteatthefootcream/pseuds/Donteatthefootcream
Summary: The Enterprise Crew has discovered that weird things never seem to stop happening, and that Shran is never too far away. Both looking for trade agreements with the same planet, Archer and Shran have to team up for diplomatic purposes.
Relationships: Jonathan Archer/Thy'lek Shran
Series: Pride Month 2020 [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768411
Kudos: 37





	Cultural Differences

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me what this is. I don't know what this is either.

The planet Parton was much like Risa in the way of diverse life on the planet. Not everyone there was native to the planet, many citizens from other planets. Parton provides many sorts of products from clothes to innovative new medications. Nearly every planet would want to be in a trading arrangement with the planet, which is why Archer was sent to fix up negotiations. 

What he didn’t expect was to see the Andorian ship _Kumari_ in orbit. _Shran._ Why is he always around them? It’s as if they’re tied together. Archer decides that he will not be hailing them unless necessary. 

“What do we know about Parton?” Archer asks the bridge. “Especially customs! We do not want to be making any mistakes!”

“The Parton planet is home to many diverse cultures due to its very accepting society. Many homosexual aliens immigrated to Parton due to homophobia on their homeworld,” T’Pol tells him. 

“Are you saying that majority of the population is gay?” Tucker inquires. 

“Yes, the majority of the population would identify in the LGBT+ population.”

“So we would look incredibly strange going straight?”

“These people are very accepting. I do not see any sexuality or gender identity being a problem.”

“Captain, we’re being hailed,” Hoshi informs Archer. 

“Shran?”

She nods solemnly. “Yes.”

Archer sighs. “Put him on then.”

The bridge crew releases a sigh before Shran is put on the screen. His antennas are moving, a sign of trickery, and there’s a smug grin on his face. This can’t be good. Yet, Archer puts on his best smile. 

“What can we do for you, Shran?” Archer asks him. 

His grin grows. “How would you feel about negotiating trade agreements alongside me, pinkskin?”

  
  


Shran and Archer meet up on the planet’s surface. There’s no weapons at their sides, surprising Archer that Shran would go along without one. Archer is comfortable with his defenseless state, knowing the Parton people are a very peaceful and kind race. Shran looks too proud for Archer’s comfort though. 

“I still don’t understand why you wanted to do this together,” Archer tells him. 

Shran begins walking towards the building, Archer walking at his side. “It’s very easy to understand. You have a better sense when it comes to political agreements while I do not. This will be helpful to both of us.”

“How will this be helpful for us both?”

“Commander Shran and Captain Archer!” A woman greets them as they walk in. She’s wearing a white pantsuit, contrasting her braided black hair. 

“President Stella, a pleasure we assure you,” Shran greets, shaking her hand. 

“Thank you for seeing us on such late notice,” Archer says, taking her hand next. “We’re looking forward to the future relations with Parton.”

“So am I,” She replies, gesturing for them to follow her. 

The three of them walk through the building with her, Archer taking in the artwork on the gray walls. Shran doesn’t take appreciation for anything, only glances at Archer every other second. It’s unsettling. 

“How long have you two been together?” President Stella asks them. 

“Wha-?” Archer begins, only having Shran hit his side. 

“A few years now,” Shran answers, “It’s a funny story, how we met. He was visiting an allying planet while I unexpectedly interrupted with a raid. All is good now.”

“Ah yes, I know all about the Vulcans and Andorians. Made quite the space news when a peace treaty was drawn up.”

“A treaty Jonathan here helped bring to a close. He’s a very good problem solver.”

Jonathan quirks an eyebrow, finding it a strange to hear Shran call him by his first name. He’s only ever heard “Archer” and “pinkskin”. He can’t find himself complaining though. It’s nice to be on such an informal level with him. 

They’re led into a conference room. There’s flags decorating the room, presumably for planets representing the citizens of Parton. The room is a light blue, a shade Jonathan finds matching Shran nicely. 

Trade agreements are so much nicer than peace or territory agreements. Everyone wants something. An item in exchange for another item. It’s when it comes to tariffs that make things difficult. President Stella asks for weaponry and instruments for geothermal energy from Andoria. A very reasonable request, which Shran agrees with. Archer offers many natural resources and agricultural products. In return, they’re getting types of medication, healing plants, and expensive fabrics. 

“I’m so glad we could come to terms so easily,” President Stella says, standing up with them. 

“We’ll contact our people and have the items you’ve requested here as soon as possible,” Archer assures her. 

“I have no doubt in the two of you following terms.” She claps her hands, and then opens them again in invitation. “You two should stay a few more days! Take in the scenery here! We’ve got award winning gardens, critically acclaimed food. I’m sure you’ll find something to do.”

Shran takes a hold of Archer’s forearm, a friendly gesture. “We would love to!”

“I’ll go get someone to find you somewhere to stay.” 

She leaves the two of them alone for the first time since they’ve entered the building. Archer immediately jumps on Shran with questions, ripping his arm out of Shran’s grip. Shran only looks amused, making Archer even more agitated. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” Archer demands. “Why would you tell someone we were a couple? Especially a President!”

“It’s all about good appearances, pinkskin. Besides, we’re both single and available so there wouldn’t be any complications. No women, or men, letting jealousy ruin this.”

“We don’t need to be in a relationship for good appearances, Shran!” He steps back, at a loss of how to handle this current situation. “Isn’t it offensive for you to think we would need to be in a gay relationship to be liked? Think about it.”

Shran shrugs. “There’s no harm to this lie! We will only benefit from this! And, according to my story, we have a very interesting love story! 

Archer runs his hands down his face, trying to come to terms with this new arrangement. “I will never forgive you for any of this. _This_ is absolutely ridiculous. I hope you know that.”

  
  


Archer tries to avoid activities that might come off as romantic. He doesn’t go out to eat with Shran or walk through the gardens. If Shran is disappointed he shows it by smiling at the way Archer struggles throughout the day. The look of pure joy on Shran’s face when the two walked into the one bed room nearly had Archer punching him. 

“Don’t you think this is not even close to recreational?” Shran asks Archer, following him up the rough terrain. “We’re climbing a mountain in grueling heat.”

Archer looks back at him, watching as Shran’s foot slips slightly on the dirt. “I thought you climbed glaciers on Andoria. Also, maybe you wouldn’t be so hot if you weren’t wearing layers. I warned you.”

“Climbing glaciers is much different than climbing a mountain. Sharp tools are used to cling into the ice walls. This is merely walking to a higher altitude over slippery dirt and mud and frustrating pieces of rock. Very different.” 

Archer chuckles. “Consider it payback then.”

Shran rolls his eyes. “Payback for faking a relationship with you? Please get over yourself. You’re beginning to sound, might I say, homophobic?”

Archer stops then, turning around to point a finger at Shran. “Don’t call me that!”

Shran pauses his movements as well, leaning back with hands on his lips. There’s that damned smile on his face again. “Most Andorian marriages are between at least four people. We’re open-minded when it comes to romantic relationships. Say what you want about your people, pinkskin, but we both know your people could never truly abolish bigotry. Your very people is created upon genocides, ethnocentricism, torture, and greed.”

He shoves at Shran’s chest, pushing him off balance. Shran shoves back, harder. Archer falls to the ground, a small rock bedding itself into his back. 

“You act so mighty, yet you’re the one who calls me ‘pinkskin’,” Archer spits. 

Shran looks down at Archer. “It’s an affectionate, teasing nickname, Archer. We both know that.”

Archer brings up his elbows, resting on them. “It originally started off as a demeaning term, Shran.”

Shran looks away, annoyed. He then offers Archer his hand to pull him back up from the ground. Archer shoves it away, getting himself up without the help of the Andorian commander. He then continues his trek, Shran following him. 

“For the record, I’m not homophobic,” Archer says a few minutes later, “I simply don’t like lying to presidents of possible allying planets.”

Shran gives in, “Fair enough.”

  
  


Later, they stop at a river and rest. Shran sits on a log near the river, looking at the calm, moving water. Archer actually sits at the edge, his feet in the water. He catches himself staring at Shran who keeps swiping at flying bugs and antennas that perk up at the sight of fish. He wonders if the movement is conscious or not. It’s cute. 

In the heat of the moment and the curiosity of what would happen, Archer splashes water at the peaceful Andorian. He falls off the log out of surprise, making Archer laugh. It’s been awhile since he’s laughed that hard. 

Shran quickly gets off the ground, wiping himself off and looking as angry as a wet cat. His antennas are bent, and Archer knows he’s in for it. But he can’t find himself to care. When Shran advances on him and starts his ranting, Archer splashes him again. In retaliation, Shran shoves Archer into the river itself with his boot. Archer can’t bring himself to complain. 

“Why are you laughing?” Shran shouts at him. 

“You’re so sensitive!” Archer laughs, standing up. Fortunately that part of the river wasn’t too deep. 

Shran splutters, “I’m not sensitive!”

“You’re throwing a fit over water! You’re sensitive!”

Archer lets Shran walk towards him as he walks out of the river, his hands falling on his bare arms. He doesn’t dig in his fingers too hard though, only giving Archer some sort of passionate squeeze. 

“I’m a notable member of the Imperial Guard. I am _not_ sensitive!”

“Says the one who’s still complaining. Is that all you do? Complain and pick fights?”

And for the second time today, Shran is shoving at Archer’s chest. It’s not as hard as the one earlier. Archer actually pushes Shran this time, ruining his balance and causing him to fall back. However, Shran grabs at Archer before he completely falls back, bringing Archer with him. Shran hits the ground with a grunt, Archer adding even more weight to his fall. 

Shran grabs Archer’s face, kissing him. Archer finds himself kissing Shran back, surprising himself. Shran sits up, but doesn’t pull away. It’s nothing like what a first kiss should be. Shran is kissing him fiercely, nearly as angry as he was earlier while he was complaining. 

“What just happened?” Archer asks Shran, pulling away and panting. 

Shran furrows his brows, his antennas following suit. “What do you mean?”

“You hate me, yet you just kissed me.”

“Do you know _anything_ about Andorian courtship?”

“Why the hell would I know about Andorian courtship?”

Shran scrambles off the ground, pushing Archer off of him. He begins pacing, stopping and looking at Archer, and then going back to pacing. Archer supposes they’ve both been misreading this entire situation. 

“Andorian flirting is rather aggressive. A female Andorian would punch a male to show interest.”

Archer gets to his feet for the hundredth time today. “So, you’ve been flirting with me all these years?!” 

Shran brings a hand to his chest. “I thought you were flirting with me!”

Archer glances at the trees to think, and then he starts laughing. Laughing at the stupidity of this entire thing. Laughing at how this must be the most confusing cultural difference he’s experienced so far. Shran on the other hand does not look amused. 

“Let’s go get dinner, hmm?” Archer finally says to Shran. 

“That’s all you have to say? ‘Let’s go get dinner?’ You can’t be serious!” Shran shouts. 

Archer grabs Shran’s hand, pulling him back the way they came. “Yeah, and let’s change into dry and clean clothing while we’re at it.”

Shran lets himself be pulled along against his own judgement. “Is this a date?”

Archer cocks his head, thinking about it. “I don’t know. Maybe?”

Shran accepts the answer, finding that Archer’s grip on his arm is rather nice. 

**Author's Note:**

> Did Shran plan all of this in advance just because he's in love with Archer? Maybe. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
